Who would have thought my first heart break would come from the thing that used to take my worries away? It’s not true that only a person can break your heart. If you’re spending all of your time devoting yourself to one specific thing and planning your days according to it, your diets, your weekend plans, your school schedule and then having it disappoint you? I was always taught that if you set your mind to something and work hard you will see the results. This also isn’t always true. Sometimes no matter how hard you work or how far away you move just to be surrounded by the best coaches and athletes, it’s just not enough. Sometimes as an athlete you’re not good enough. Realizing this is what broke my heart. This realization hit me after my long program performance at the 2015 sectionals in Finland. I went into this competition feeling more prepared than ever before. I had been devoting all of my time to skating and solely focusing on eating healthy and being the best I can be. I skated a disastrous competition and could not even feel my legs throughout both of my programs. So this was my best? Of course not. Of course I could try again and again and again and maybe one of my tries would be good enough and there would still probably be girls that were better than me. So what’s the point really? Yes, the point should be that you “love” it. Of course I will always love this crazy sport but the sad part is that most people, like myself, don’t quit because they stopped loving it. They quit because they’re not seeing the results that all the hard work should reflect.
I guess that’s a very depressing way of announcing my “retirement” from competitive figure skating but it’s how I feel at the moment.
I will make my next blog post much happier as I will talk about all the amazing things I got to experience during this 15 year journey and to thank all the amazing people that never stopped believing in me.