next chapter

Who would have thought my first heart break would come from the thing that used to take my worries away? It’s not true that only a person can break your heart. If you’re spending all of your time devoting yourself to one specific thing and planning your days according to it, your diets, your weekend plans, your school schedule and then having it disappoint you? I was always taught that if you set your mind to something and work hard you will see the results. This also isn’t always true. Sometimes no matter how hard you work or how far away you move just to be surrounded by the best coaches and athletes, it’s just not enough. Sometimes as an athlete you’re not good enough. Realizing this is what broke my heart.  This realization hit me after my long program performance at the 2015 sectionals in Finland. I went into this competition feeling more prepared than ever before. I had been devoting all of my time to skating and solely focusing on eating healthy and being the best I can be. I skated a disastrous competition and could not even feel my legs throughout both of my programs. So this was my best? Of course not. Of course I could try again and again and again and maybe one of my tries would be good enough and there would still probably be girls that were better than me. So what’s the point really? Yes, the point should be that you “love” it. Of course I will always love this crazy sport but the sad part is that most people, like myself, don’t quit because they stopped loving it. They quit because they’re not seeing the results that all the hard work should reflect.

I guess that’s a very depressing way of announcing my “retirement” from competitive figure skating but it’s how I feel at the moment.

I will make my next blog post much happier as I will talk about all the amazing things I got to experience during this 15 year journey and to thank all the amazing people that never stopped believing in me.

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Xo 🐝

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4 thoughts on “next chapter

  1. Beata. I am saddened to hear that You are and always will be a huge inspiration to all young skaters who know you. Are you coming home soon ? Your words are so true it’s hard to see what happens now. Please do not think that that one competition will define you

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  2. Beata, I am beyond moved and touched by you and this.
    I am sure that it is like a break up of your longest relationship yet and I see you handling it with the same grace that I saw you putting into your skating!
    As I am often reminded, it’s not what happens but how we handle it that helps to define us.

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  3. Beata,muistan kun oltiin Junnu Mm kisoissa ja luistelit loistavasti,sädehtien sellaista valoa jota ei voi opetella. Se valo ei lakka loistamasta sinusta vaikka kilpaura loppuisikin. Sinulla on lahja jakaa iloa ja energiaa ympärillesi.
    Olet kaunis ihana nuori ja taitoluistelulla on iso osa sydämessäsi.
    Halit ja superhellät terkut!
    Anuliisa

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  4. Watching you work with Jim Mullens here in KC was an exciting time. Then you moved on and skate all over the world. A skate judge said to me one day right before my daughters preliminary test, “That girl will never get her axel”. The judge did not remember who I was. Well my daughter was to tall and to heavy to get her axel or doubles but guess what? She passed the test and got those jumps. Valerie loved to skate and did have grace on the ice. She skated for the feeling and love of what she did. Not the preforming.
    You as a young girl had a bigger love for all of that than Valerie. I am sure you feel differently now than when you made this post but remember you will always know how to attain that feeling. Some of us will never know. You are beauty and grace….No one can take that from you.
    Go on now and make Jim and all of your coaches proud, be a coach! You will bring something no one else can. You are special.

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